I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
