We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
