Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
