Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
