I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
