Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
