so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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