dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
