You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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