Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
