I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
