dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
