Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
