saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
