I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just pee around me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
