Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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