I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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