:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize