During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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