apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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