i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
