Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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