ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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