I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Randomize
