i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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