Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
