Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
