I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
