So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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