anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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