Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
