I can tuck mytits in my pants
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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