Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
