it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
