Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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