I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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