I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
