It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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