i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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