I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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