I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
