why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
