I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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