Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize