3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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