1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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