ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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