This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
