Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
