I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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