Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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