yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
