i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
