I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
