You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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