He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
