I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I touched a dick in church today
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize