i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
