allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
