Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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