im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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