if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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