Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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