if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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