tell your sister to shave her snatch
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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