They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
