If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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