it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
