I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
