Nicole vs. Life
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
There's even glitter on my cock...
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