I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize