on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
