Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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