Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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