Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
