3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
