In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize