We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize