U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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