Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
