also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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