id be glad to
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
wow bdsm is so cute
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
