Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I can't turn off my feet"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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