jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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