Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
