got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize