Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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