Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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