I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
