Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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