Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
