I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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