At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
