why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
