dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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