I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
