The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
