it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
