FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize