my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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